I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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