i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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