I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize