Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
