i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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