he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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