Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
