did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
