dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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