You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
