Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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