Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
