I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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