Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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