my soul wont recognize me after tonight
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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