I hate all girls vehemently.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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