No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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