oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
