i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
