What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize