his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I did not marry a roomba.
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