i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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