3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
