I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
