Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
