guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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