i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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