we made out on top of his cat.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
