you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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