dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
