Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
