Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
