I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
