Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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