We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
