This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
