why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
