you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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