I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize