and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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