its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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