I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
