My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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