Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize