Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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