i love accidental penises.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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