yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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