She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
