There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
