My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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