So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
