i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
