Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
