census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
