That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
