Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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