You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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