I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
