Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
