So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize