He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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