I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
