i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
