The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
