she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize