So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
