I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
