just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just high enough for therapy.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
