I want to walk on stilts...naked
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
