that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
PANTIES FOUND
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