he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
