I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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